6 Things I’d Do Differently If I Got a Chance to Re-Do Being a Mom for the First Time
Becoming a mom for the first time is like jumping into the deep end of a pool you’ve never swum in before—exciting, terrifying, and sometimes, let’s be honest, a bit of a mess. Despite the challenges, it’s still a journey filled with moments of pure joy and overwhelming love. Looking back, there are a few things I’d do differently if I had the chance to start over. These aren’t regrets (well, except for that time I tried to make homemade baby food at 2 a.m.), but rather lessons learned that I’d love to share with you.
1. Embrace the Imperfections
As a first-time mom, I was so focused on trying to get everything “right”—from perfectly timed feedings to a spotless house. Spoiler alert: that didn’t last long. I wish I had known earlier that it’s okay to let things slide sometimes. Babies don’t need perfection; they need love, comfort, and a mom who doesn’t lose her sanity over mismatched socks. I’d tell my first-time mom self to embrace the mess, the chaos, and the imperfections. It’s all part of the beautiful (and occasionally sticky) journey.
2. Be Kinder to Myself
The pressure to be the perfect mom is real, and it’s easy to be your own harshest critic. Looking back, I wish I had been kinder to myself—acknowledging that I was doing the best I could, given the circumstances (and given the fact that sometimes the circumstances involved a baby who refuses to nap). If I could do it again, I’d remind myself daily that being a good mom doesn’t mean being perfect; it means showing up, day after day, with love and compassion for both my child and myself. And hey, sometimes showing up means surviving on dry shampoo and coffee—it’s all good.
3. Remind Myself That Breastfeeding Can Be Hard
Breastfeeding is often portrayed as the most natural thing in the world, but the reality is that it can be incredibly challenging. I struggled more than I expected and felt a lot of pressure to keep going despite the difficulties. If I could do it over, I’d remind myself that it’s okay to rely on a bottle, and not to worry too much about the talk of nipple confusion. What matters most is that my baby is fed and thriving, whether that’s from breast, bottle, or that third hand I wish I had.
4. Trust My Instincts
There were so many times when I doubted myself, turning to books, blogs, and forums for answers. While it’s great to seek advice, I’ve learned that a mother’s instincts are powerful and often spot-on. If I could go back, I’d trust myself more, knowing that no one knows my child better than I do. So yes, that includes trusting that my baby was crying because they didn’t like the 37th song on the playlist (because obviously, “Twinkle Twinkle” is a classic).
5. Prioritize My Well-Being
I often put my own needs on the back burner, thinking that I had to sacrifice everything for my child. But I’ve learned that taking care of myself—whether it’s a few minutes of quiet time, a hobby, or just getting enough sleep (even if I’m still getting close to zero sleep)—makes me a better mom. If I could do it over, I’d make self-care a priority, knowing that a happy, healthy mom is the best gift I can give my child. And yes, sometimes self-care might look like hiding in the bathroom for five minutes of peace—no judgment.
6. Let Go of the “Mom Guilt”
Mom guilt is real, and it can be overwhelming. Whether it’s about returning to work, feeding choices, or how much screen time is too much, there’s always something to feel guilty about. If I could do it again, I’d work on letting go of that guilt, understanding that every mom has her own path and that it’s okay to do what’s best for your family, even if it doesn’t align with what others think. Plus, spoiler alert: the mom who seems to have it all together? She’s probably winging it too.
Many of these lessons remain just as valid today with my two little ones, now 3 years old and 16 months old. Motherhood is hard, especially without a strong support village, but it is a journey full of learning, growth, and endless love. And with each passing day, I’m reminded that we moms are resilient, capable, and deserving of the same love and care we give our family. So, while there are things I’d do differently if given the chance, I’m grateful for the experience and the lessons it has taught me.
If you’re navigating motherhood without the support you expected, I encourage you to check out my previous post, “The Village That Wasn’t: Motherhood Away from Home“. It dives into what it’s like to mother without the traditional village and how I’ve managed to make it work.
To all the first-time moms out there: trust yourself, be kind to yourself, and remember that you’re doing an amazing job. And if all else fails, remember: there’s always chocolate.
And To Fellow Moms: If you could go back and redo your first-time mom experience, what would you do differently? Or, what advice would you give to a new mom? I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories!
