Beyond the Newborn Stage: When Parenting Gets Real
When you first become a mum, everyone prepares you for the newborn stage. They tell you it’ll be the hardest part. You’ll hear about sleepless nights, endless feeding sessions, and the constant blur of diaper changes. And yes, the newborn stage is tough—there’s no denying that. But here’s the truth no one really tells you: the hardest part isn’t those first few months. It’s everything that comes after.
Once the newborn bubble bursts, the support you had—if any—starts to fade. In the beginning, people might check in to see how the baby is doing, but soon, even that fades away. For me, it wasn’t like I had an army of people to help. I’m lucky to have a wonderful husband who’s been my rock throughout this journey, but even with his support, it’s easy to feel isolated when the rest of the world seems to move on. This stage? This is the part that truly tests you.
The Newborn Stage: A Bubble of Attention
In those early weeks, the focus is entirely on the baby. People want updates, ask to see pictures, and even give you advice —some so absurd that they seem like a joke (Read here my post on Foolish Advice). But even with that attention, there’s little hands-on help. While I’m fortunate to have my husband by my side, it’s still overwhelming when you realize how little support there is beyond your home. The baby gets the spotlight, but where does that leave the parents? Sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, and hoping for a moment to catch their breath. And as the weeks go on, the few people who did check in slowly drift away.
You’re expected to navigate this life-changing experience without the village so many say it takes to raise a child.
For those of us navigating parenthood without a strong support network, especially away from family, check out my post The Village That Wasn’t: Motherhood Away from Home, where I dive deeper into the challenges of doing it all without that much-needed village.
The Aftermath: Where the Real Struggles Begin
Once the newborn stage is over, the real challenges begin. You’re no longer dealing with just diapers and feedings; now, you’re juggling everything. The baby isn’t sleeping through the night, but people expect you to be back to your old self—handling work, household chores, relationships, and, of course, being a present parent.
This is the phase where you feel like you should have it all together, but the reality is, you’re barely keeping your head above water. And let me tell you, it’s okay to admit that you’re not some kind of supermom. In fact, I’ve written about this exact feeling in my post I’m Not a Supermom, where I reflect on the unrealistic expectations placed on moms and how it’s perfectly okay to not have it all figured out.
We’re led to believe we should be able to do it all, but the truth is, this stage is hard. It’s messy, exhausting, and overwhelming. And you’re not alone in feeling that way.
Balancing the Spinning Plates
By the time you’re out of the newborn phase, you’re no longer just a mum. You’re juggling 100 different spinning plates, trying to keep everything in balance. There’s the emotional weight of parenting, which is often invisible to the outside world, compounded by the practical demands of life. Work, relationships, self-care, household chores—they all need your attention, but the time and energy you have are limited.
Every mum knows that feeling of being pulled in a thousand directions at once. You’re doing everything you can to be there for your kids, but in the process, you’re stretched so thin that you feel like there’s nothing left for yourself. It’s a balancing act that never quite feels stable, and the constant pressure can make you feel like you’re failing.
The New Normal: Redefining Life After the Bubble
So, will life ever feel normal again? The short answer is yes—but it’s a new kind of normal. The life you once had, where you could go out on a whim, sleep in on weekends, and have full control over your time, is gone for now. But the life you have now, while chaotic and exhausting, is filled with new kinds of joy and love that you never knew existed.
The key to surviving this phase is accepting that the “normal” you’re searching for isn’t the same as the one you had before kids. You’re in a different season of life, and while it’s harder than anyone ever tells you, it’s also richer in ways that are impossible to explain.
As your kids grow, things will shift. You’ll find your rhythm again, even if it looks different from what you imagined. You’ll get pockets of time to yourself, and yes, one day, you will sleep again—at least that’s what I tell myself everyday. But in the meantime, it’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. And it’s okay to mourn the life you had before kids while still embracing the beauty of the one you have now.
Embracing the Chaos
Motherhood is often portrayed as a journey where the hardest part is at the beginning. But for many, it’s the months (and years) after the newborn stage that bring the most challenges. The sleepless nights, the disappearing village, and the constant demands on your time and energy are all real, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by them.
But remember, you’re not alone. Even though the visits and check-ins have stopped, there are countless other mums out there feeling exactly the same way. And while life might not feel “normal” right now, this stage won’t last forever. Embrace the chaos, lean into the hard moments, and know that you’re doing an incredible job—even when it feels like everything is spinning out of control.
If this resonates with you or you’ve experienced something similar, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment below and share your story. And if you know someone who could use a little encouragement, feel free to share this post with them!
We’re all in this together.
