Mothers Need More: How to Be the Village She Deserves
Christmas dinner this year was a beautiful mix of holiday chaos—kids laughing, food being served, and warm conversations all around. But amidst it all, one moment stuck with me: my sister-in-law holding her newborn while awkwardly trying to serve herself some dessert.
I reminded her, “Please, ask me. I’m here. Let me help.” She smiled gratefully, but the moment lingered in my mind, pulling me back to my own early days as a mom. I couldn’t help but wonder—why do mothers feel like they can’t ask for even the smallest things? Why are we so conditioned to struggle silently?
I Was There Too: A Reminder to Show Up for Mothers
When I saw her juggling dinner and her baby, it was like looking into a mirror. I’ve been there too—many times. Whether I had guests over or visited someone else’s home, the pattern was the same: everyone wanted to hold the baby, marvel at the baby, and play with the baby. Meanwhile, I stayed behind, reheating my food or missing the game on TV, because someone had to handle the diapers or soothe the crying.
It felt like I’d disappeared. My identity had been swallowed up by my new role, and it seemed like no one noticed. Not once did someone say, “You sit down. I’ll handle this.” And I never dared to ask.
Except, of course, my husband. Through all the chaos and isolation, he is the one constant who sees me. He doesn’t wait for me to ask; he steps in, handles the chores, and makes sure I feel supported.
I see the same kind of partnership in my brother. He’s an amazing father and a supportive partner, always doing his best to lighten the load. But even the best partners can’t do it all alone. That’s why showing up for moms—whether it’s your sister, friend, or neighbor—is so important.
From One Mom to Another: Let Me Be Your Village
I don’t know what a traditional village looks like, but I know it’s supposed to feel like shared responsibility and genuine care. Motherhood isn’t meant to be a solo endeavor.
I won’t lie—it stings when you realize the support others have and you don’t. It makes you question if you matter, if your needs are seen, if anyone will show up for you.
But this Christmas, I realized I could do something different. Instead of dwelling on what I didn’t have, I chose to be the kind of support I once needed. Watching my brother be such an incredible partner to his wife reminded me that support doesn’t always have to come in grand gestures—it can be small but meaningful acts.
Instead of going for the baby, I told my sister-in-law, “Let me get your food.” It was a small act, but it felt powerful—a way to be the village that I wished I’d had.
Mothers Deserve More Than Silent Support
Here’s the thing about support: it’s not enough to simply say, “I’m here if you need me.” Silent support feels hollow. It puts the burden back on the mother to ask, to explain, to admit that she’s struggling.
Mothers deserve more than that. We deserve proactive, visible support. If you see a mom juggling too much, step in. Don’t wait for her to ask if you can pour her a glass of water—just do it.
Society loves the idea of the “supermom”—the woman who does it all with grace and never asks for help. But that narrative is toxic. It isolates us, making us feel like failures if we can’t keep up. The truth is, motherhood is heavy, and no one should have to carry it alone.
A Call to Action
If there’s one thing I want you to take away, it’s this: show up for the mothers in your life (and I’m not talking only about new moms or moms with newborns). Not just with words, but with actions. Offer to help, even in the smallest ways. Recognize the invisible load they’re carrying and do something to lighten it.
Motherhood doesn’t have to be so lonely. We’re not meant to do it all, and we shouldn’t have to. Let’s normalize stepping in, offering help, and being the village we all deserve.
Because mothers deserve more.
