About Motherhood and its Shadows
What Motherhood Really Feels Like (When No One’s Watching)
When you’re pregnant—especially in those final weeks—everyone’s quick to remind you: you’ll need help once the baby arrives. But let’s be honest, no one truly prepares you for the emotional rollercoaster, the identity shift, or the quiet moments of doubt that sneak in when no one’s looking.
For me, life threw in some extra twists: falling in love, building a home far from my family, and navigating a pregnancy in the middle of a pandemic. On top of that, I discovered fears I didn’t even know I had. What if I need help? Who do I turn to? If I want to cry, whose shoulder is there for me?
Yes, my husband is amazing—he moves mountains for us. But the reality is, I’m far from my people. My mom wasn’t able to be there and often told me to lean on my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law wanted to stay with us for two weeks after the baby was born to care for the baby. My aunts worried about me being alone.
And still, I kept thinking, Why the fuss? I’ve got my husband. My son’s dad is here.
But here’s the thing no one tells you: when your baby is born, a whole new version of you is born too. Motherhood changes you in ways you can’t imagine, and it’s not always easy to navigate those changes, especially in a world that still believes moms should do it all. That’s the part that can break you down.
The Hard Parts No One Talks About
No one warns you about the judgment that comes your way when you follow your gut instead of outdated advice. And the endless stream of “advice”? It’s often less about helping and more about telling you what and how you’re doing wrong.
Everyone loves to say, “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” But no one mentions the tough choices you face during those precious moments: Should I sleep? Shower? Eat? Wait, when did I last eat?
No one tells you that you’ll jump out of the shower halfway through washing your hair because the baby’s crying. You’ll rush to soothe them, then find yourself just sitting there, staring at their tiny face, wondering how someone so small could change your life so completely.
Everyone tells you over and over again how much help you’re going to need with the baby, and everyone wants to help with the baby.
But caring for a baby isn’t the hardest part. The hardest part is figuring out how to care for yourself while caring for a baby.
No one prepares you for the loneliness.
Even when you’re never technically alone.
No one tells you how guilt creeps in when you feel sad—especially when you know you’re lucky to have a healthy baby and a partner who shows up.
And society? Society makes it even harder.
“At least your baby is healthy.”
“Didn’t you want kids?”
“When I was your age, I already had four.”
“You have to be happy—for your baby.”
Comments that invalidate our feelings and uphold the myth that motherhood is supposed to be joyful all the time.
The worst part is that these messages often come from other mothers—especially from the older generation.
The ones who remind us that in their time, they had no help, no machines, no breaks.
So now, somehow, we’re expected to be fine. Because “everything is easier now.”
Finding Your Strength
Back in the day, moms had a whole village—their moms, sisters, aunts, neighbors—to lean on.
Today, we often turn to online communities. And while some are beautiful and supportive, others can feel just as judgmental as the outside world.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
My friend Angelina said it best: “Motherhood helps you become a warrior.”
It stretches you, breaks you, and then somehow builds you back stronger.
You find strength in the quiet moments. In the long nights. In the tears.
In the way you keep going, even when no one claps for you.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lonely, or just not like yourself, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby.
It doesn’t mean you’re not grateful.
It just means you’re human.
You’re not alone in this. The hard moments don’t take away from your love for your baby. They’re part of this messy, beautiful, complicated thing called motherhood.
Let’s Talk
I’d love to hear your story.
What’s been the hardest part of motherhood for you?
What’s helped you get through?
Share in the comments below. Or reach out if you just need someone to listen.
We’re in this together. No mom should ever feel like she has to figure it all out alone.PS: I’ll write another time about all the incredible joys of motherhood—because there are so many.
But today, I needed to say this:
Even when it’s hard, even when it’s messy, you’re doing amazing, mama.
