The Village That Wasn’t: Motherhood Away from Home

Today, I want to share a little piece of my heart about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately – the rollercoaster of raising kids without a village. I’m an immigrant mom, and while I’ve built a beautiful life in a new land, one thing I often find myself longing for is that tightly bonded support network known as family. This journey has been one heck of an adventure, filled with twists, turns, and more than a few bumps in the road..

Let me set the scene for you: my first baby, a handsome little man, was born in the middle of a pandemic. Unfortunately, this meant that my mom couldn’t hop on a plane and come visit us as we had hoped. Those early days were filled with both joy and longing as I missed experiencing them with her warm care.

When my second baby, a beautiful little girl, came into the world, my mom flew in to lend a helping hand. It was like a breath of fresh air amidst the chaos and joy of parenthood. But as all good things do, her stay is coming to an end, and she’s returning to her own life, leaving me to face the reality of parenting without her close by. Suddenly, I’m finding myself with the emotional weight of doing it all on my own, without the comforting presence of family nearby. Accepting that what I thought would be my village is not the reality. It was a tough pill to swallow!

And don’t get me wrong, my husband is amazing. He’s been my rock, my partner in crime every step of the way, so I can’t even begin to imagine what single moms go through. But even with his unwavering support, there’s something uniquely special about having that village of friends and family to lean on.

In a world where moms are expected to do it all and more, it’s easy to feel like we’re on an island all by ourselves. We live in a society that prioritizes individuality over community, where we tend to keep to ourselves. But let me tell you, moms can’t do it all, nor do we know it all.

Becoming a mother can be a wonderful but also a challenging experience, and having people who understand and support you can make a difference. And it’s not just about having someone to share the load – though that’s certainly a big part of it – but it’s also about having a network of support, love, and guidance to lean on when times get tough.

I’ll be honest – sometimes I feel downright lonely. What happens when you look around and everyone else seems to have a huge tribe but you? It’s enough to make you feel like you’re missing out on something big.

The thing is that parenthood has a funny way of shifting your social circle. Some friends, or close relatives, can become parents at the same time, which can strengthen the bond between them. On the other hand, friendships without kids may require a lot more effort, as priorities and responsibilities change drastically.

Some of my friendships changed after I became a mom, some of them vanished into thin air and the people I thought would be there for me were not. I realized that people make time for what, or who, they really want to make time for. It was a harsh reality check!

I miss my long-distance friends too. Those connections that are miles apart, and that I still consider a vital part of my village.

But while it’s true that technology has made the world a smaller place – allowing us to connect with loved ones across oceans and time zones with just the click of a button – there’s something irreplaceable about having that physical presence, that tangible support, right there when you need it most. In my heart, I long for a village. The one everyone talks about. I dream of friends and family I see often, those spontaneous get-togethers and playdates, the kind of support system that feels like a warm hug on a rough day.

So to all the moms out there who, like me, find themselves far from home, navigating this wonderful journey of motherhood, I want to say this: You are not alone. Lean on your partner, cherish the friendships you have, and don’t be afraid to reach out and make new connections along the way. We may not have the village we envisioned, but we’re still strong, resilient, and capable parents, doing the best we can for our little ones. And that’s something to be proud of.

And to my own village – the friends who have stuck by my side through every twist, the old friends that motherhood brought together, the new friends I’ve made throughout the way, the cyber friends I’ve made through mom groups, the fellow moms who have become my lifeline in this rollercoaster journey – I want to say thank you. Thank you for being there, for all your love, for lending a hand, and for reminding me that no matter how far from home I may be, I am never truly alone.

Don’t be afraid to leave me a comment or reach out if you need someone to talk to.

Because in the end, it takes a village to raise a child – and I am so grateful for mine.